Saturday, April 30, 2011

He said: I had a very strange dream. Honestly, I don't know where these things come from. In this dream last night, I was going to heaven in a 1957 Pontiac convertible. Leather seats. The whole thing. I was going pretty fast, with the top down, but there was absolutely no traffic at all. I guess that kind of makes sense. Of course Heaven wouldn't have traffic jams. That's one of the many reason why it's "Heaven". Anyway, I'm not sure why I was driving to heaven. I guess it has to be better than driving to hell. Probably you'd drive a real "beater" to Hell. So, anyway, here I was in this great car, but I was by myself. There was no girl friend or wife and whatever in the front seat with me. I don't remember what, if anything, was in the back. And I don't know why Heaven was my destination. I'm not really going to try to figure that part out. I'm just going to take is as I think it was in the dream. I'd say that it was a fairly positive dream, as dreams go. But, there is this uncomfortable part of the dream that I worry about. If I'm on my way to heaven, wouldn't that mean that I would have to be dead?"
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Thursday, April 28, 2011

She said: "You've, no doubt, heard about someone finding and getting a message in a bottle. That message would probably have been thrown into the sea a long time ago, making it's way to, say, England, for many, many decades. That would be a message from the past in that bottle washing up on the shores of an English beach. Well, I got something like that recently. What I got was a message from the Future. It was astonish! While I was going though some papers in my desk at home, I found a letter that was written to me by my doctor at that time. I don't remember ever seeing this letter before, but the post mark was from over 20 years ago. I don't see that doctor anymore, because he passed away probably a decade or more ago. Anyway, what the letter from him said was that I should come into his office soon to have more testing done. The reason for the testing was that the lump in my breast was malignant. Now, here is the strange part: I know for a fact that I did not have cancer 20 years ago. I didn't have cancer 10 years ago, or 5 years ago. I was diagnosed only 5 months ago. How did my doctor from 20 years ago know that I would have cancer in 2011?"
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

She said: "It's not what can be said; it's what can be understood. It's not what we feel, it's what can be made real to us. If it doesn't make sense, it is probably because it is outside of what you know and what you feel. Life if a complex experience, don't you think? It is beyond thought, beyond context; beyond feeling, beyond thinking, beyond seeing; beyond experience. It's a moment by moment collection of what is around you and what is waiting for you just around the corner or just down the street."
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Monday, April 18, 2011

He said: "I was falling. I was falling through time. It was hard to catch my breath because I was
moving so fast. I saw my mother as a very young woman. I barely recognized her. I saw the town that I grew up in. It was just a blur, but I could make out my High School as it rushed by me. I could see the relatives, the Aunts and Uncles and the brother who was killed in 'Nam in 1968. I was falling faster and faster and the faster I fell I less I could make out. There was a roar in my ears from air and time around me that I was falling into. It was getting darker. I was getting cold. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know were I was going so fast. So fast. It all happened so very very fast."
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Monday, April 11, 2011

She said: "I can see the tears of the people who can not cry. They can not cry because the life that they have does not permit the time or the effort of tears. There are more important things for these people that tears. There is life beyond pain and beyond despair, and beyond loss. There is the need to find food, to find water, to find the money to buy medicine for a dying father or child. Tears are a luxury that is not worth the effort. It is, for these people, a wasteful luxury that only other people can afford. For some reason, I was born with the ability to see the tears that these people can't afford to spill. I can see the pain that they feel. I can see the hurt that they carry with them everyday. It is not a trial for me to be so blessed. Someone has to witness what can not be seen. Someone has to be the one to take on the pain of life and lift it up. I don't know why that person is me. I don't question it anymore. Everyone has a job to do. This is my job. This is what I was brought here to do."
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Sunday, April 10, 2011

He said: "I keep looking for something that might make some sense to me, something that will help me, and maybe others, to understand what all of this is about. No one that I know of has had any luck making this transparently obvious to a simple fool, like me. Lord knows I've tried to understand. Lord knows I want to understand why this has been delivered to us this way. If there were only a small clue that I could take up and use to find my way, that would be a blessing. But there isn't anything that I can see that will do me any good. It's just a mess. I guess that's the conclusion I have to come to now. It's just a mess that we'll all have to deal with."
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Sunday, April 03, 2011

She said: "I'm not in pain. I'm thankful that I'm not in a lot of pain. I don't think I could bare it if I needed meds for the pain. I do know now, however, what 'progressive' means and it don't mean anything good. Just like I thought 'early' was good; that is was good that this thing was caught early. Ha! What a laugh. Early just means that I'm too young to be this sick. So, each day, I get a little bit more sick and have a little bit more difficulty doing simple things like keeping track of where the phone is. My husband thinks I should be happy. He praises the Lord that I'm still here with him. He and the children both. He thinks that I should be happy with the life I have left. And I say 'amen' to that. What he don't know is that I curse God every day for taking away from me the life that I once had."
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Friday, April 01, 2011

He said: "I had a dream about Robert Rauchenberg. You know: that abstract painter guy. He made these huge, colorful, crazy paintings in the 50s and 60s and his mate was a famous painter too. Anyway, I had this dream about him. He was painting way up above me. He was like floating in the air and painting in the air way above where I was in the dream. He looked like he was painting heaven; he was really concentrating on what he was doing and I yelled out to him, but he either didn't hear me or didn't care to answer. He was just up there, floating away and painting the sky and the air as he floated away. I was so impressed. That's what I want, I thought to myself in my dream. That's what I want to do. I want to float away to heaven and paint the whole way there."
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