MusicFromTheFilm

2012-01-20T01:54:00.004-05:00

She said: "At first I didn't know. It took a little time. At first I couldn't see and I didn't know where it came from. At first I just waited a while and it just happened, so I watched it and when I was ready I just stood up and told it my name. At first it was all a little crazy, but it was also fun. I didn't know where it came from; it just came. But now it is not the same. It's not the same anymore. It doesn't happen to me the way it did. It's not the same as it was. Now it's different and difficult and it's cold and sometime it's dark and I wait for it in vane and without an answer. I know what changed, but I can't do anything, really, about it. I can not do what I once did with grace. I can't see what I use to see and I can't call out the name because I don't know it anymore. So I wait in the darkness and I call out in the night and I wait by the river in case it is there for me, and I speak it's name and I hold my breath and I breathe out and I sit down by the water and I look at my reflection and I wait to see if it some day returns and if there is a message and if I can see what it is. But I don't think it's coming back. I think It's not going to be what it was, and I don't know what I think about that. All I know is that every thing changes and that happens to everything."

2012-01-13T14:56:00.002-05:00

He said: "I could see it from above. I could see it even from far away. I could see it and I could smell it all around me. I was immersed in it. It was refreshing when I breathed in and it filled my body with it's essence. I was dizzy with the color and the light. I heard voices calling out to me in languages I had never heard of before. I was spinning on the core of something great and powerful. I was filled with it, but I don't know how that happened. I continued to look around me and eventually I saw it and felt it all. It was not separated from anything. It was everything, but it was everything that was happening at the same time, all at once. It was one. It was only one and the one was everything."

2011-12-30T09:05:00.002-05:00

He said: "The ships came in close to the shore and then turned away. If it was dark, they would throw the dead bodies overboard and they would watch them vanish in the moonlight. Many died in the crossing. There was contagion. Some died quickly from loss of fluids. The children were taken first always. It was because they were too young to fight the fevers. Those with no living parents went quickly. They had bet every thing they had on the crossing. It was a long crossing, but there was promise on the other side if they could only make it there in good stead. But the crossing was not kind, so many did not survive. The crossing was a gamble. It was a gamble for life. Not everyone could win the gamble. The ships came in close, then turned away."

2011-12-27T03:53:00.002-05:00

She said: "It is hard to seek the truth. It is even harder to know the truth, but the truth is what will sustain you as you grow. The truth is powerful. You must be careful if you are to know the truth. There are those who will not want you to know the truth. There are those who will try to stop you from finding it. You must be brave and you must be strong to know the truth and to live by what it will teach you. Do not be afraid, children. Do not falter in your search. Know that you will never be alone if you are seeking the truth. The truth will free you. The truth will make you strong. You must be strong to find it. And you must be even stronger to keep it. This is my gift to you. Go into the world and tell them what you know. Go into the world after you have found the truth."

2011-12-22T09:58:00.002-05:00

He said: "OK. It goes like this. Roger, listen up. This is a killer. OK. So these guys, kinda like up, are all at their Alzhimer's weekly group. And, you know, they're hanging out, and afterward they go over to Jerry's house, and they start hanging out at each other's house every week, to, you know have a brew or two, and shoot the shit but not one of them know why. Get it? They are hanging out at each other's houses and they don't know why. What? You don't get it? Let me start again..."

2011-12-19T15:28:00.002-05:00

He said: "Sometimes I'll think I see him in the room. Then I remember that he's dead. He was my best friend for 20 or so years. I think about him from time to time. I'll wonder how he's doing. I'll want to call him to talk about a film that I just saw, or about a new song I just heard, but then I'll feel sad because I know that he wont answer the phone. I kind of forget from time to time that he's been gone now for over 20 years. It just don't feel right that he's not alive like everyone else. I know I shouldn't feel the way I do sometime. I know that I'm being selfish. He had the best exit of anyone I have ever known. He went out to dinner with his friend. Then he came home and sat down at the piano and died. Just like that. No hospital, no doctors, no tubes up your nose, none of that heroic restarting the heart. No long, painful recovery. He just came home and died. I still miss him though. Especially when I know that he won't answer my call."

2011-12-14T07:12:00.002-05:00

She said: "The dog waited on the lawn near the cross walk, it's ears alert, waiting for the boy to come home from school. This was his job. It was a job that he took very seriously because the boy was his love. He loved the boy and the boy loved him. It was a universe that was in balance with itself. When the school bus came, the dog could hardly contain his emotions. He waited until the boy could be seen coming down the steps of the school bus. When he was on the ground the dog would run to him, running around him, inspecting him to see all that there was to see of the boy who was his charge. This, then, was a state of grace. This was a world in balance. This is how it was meant to be."

2011-12-07T19:07:00.003-05:00

He said: "The docs called it cancer. They said was was pretty advanced. They wanted to know know why I didn't come in quicker. Well, I've got things to do, that's why. I run a business. The business don't run by itself. Someone has gotta be there, or nothing get's done. That's why I didn't come in earlier. I came when I could. I came when the pain didn't respond to the booze. I came when I'd had enough pain. I guess I didn't want to know. I guess that since it was invisible, it would stay that way. Well, I learned a lesson. I know something now that I didn't know before. I learned that I could take it and I learned that something that is invisible can become real. Something that is invisible can become very, very real."

2011-12-01T18:03:00.002-05:00

She said: "It really looked like that. I can't really hardly believe it myself. I have to admit that I was surprised. Of course, it was a day filled with surprises. What I remember is that I got on the plane to Jackson and there was trouble on the plane and we were supposed to land somewhere else. But, of course, we didn't. The plane went down and we crashed. Everyone on board was killed. I saw them all die, and they saw me die. The amazing thing is that I didn't really "feel" anything. You know how like in real life everything is real fast? Well, when you die everything slows way down. So, anyway, I remember seeing the ground below me, slowly coming up to meet me, and the closer it got, the slower everything went. I understood that I was dead. And I understood that I was going to go one of the two ways that we were taught about in Sunday school. Of course, I never believed all that Heaven/Hell stuff. Imagine my surprise when I found out that's the way it really is! Anyway, for reasons that still escape me, I was falling toward the pearly gates, and you won't believe this. I sure didn't. The sign in front of Heaven (are you sitting down?) says "Entrance". Who would have ever guessed that?"

2011-11-29T03:43:00.002-05:00

He said: "This whole notion of there being an "Art World" is preposterous. It is an illusion. It does not exist. There is no art and there is nothing supporting that notion. There is only moments and seem as though they came from another hand because of their unique quality, but in an instant are gone. There is no art and there are no artists. There are only scratches on a inside of a cave somewhere; some hand drawn smears of color made by an unknown hand at an unknown time and the cave will soon be sealed and the "art" will vanish and the world will carry on as it always has. The "Art" will not survive. Only the moment will live, and then seconds later, die away."

2011-11-18T09:05:00.002-05:00

She said: He was something alright. You know, one of those once in a million type of men. I fell for him at first glance. He was sweet and had a nice smile. Nice body, too. Every time we went out together, he had some little thing to give me. This was a major change from my last "good man". I gave that one up after he hit me with that meaty hand of his. Had a black and purple eye for about 2 weeks. No amount of make up could hide what he did to me. So, this new guy was like a light coming into my life again. Every thing was wonderful for a month or so. Then, her vanished. Poof. Just gone. I was about to loose my mind, I was so crazy with worry. Then he showed up out of nowhere. Bamm! There he was. Wouldn't tell me where he had been. Gave me a big smile and a hug and that was it. I cried for him, I was so worried, but he didn't want to share whatever the story was with me. So I made up to him because I loved him and even though I thought I deserved an answer, I didn't push him. But, then it happened again. He was gone and I was crazy with worry. And that was that. I couldn't do it again. I broke down. Then I broke up. And I tell my friends the short version of our time together. You know, just to make the whole thing brief: A Hole New Thing: A Fresh Start. Unknown Circumstances. A Broken Heart."

2011-11-15T20:24:00.002-05:00

He said: "Oh, she was smart all right. She was smart and she was sassy. That's just the way I like a woman. It's important to have a good laugh from time to time. Me: I try to make sure I wake up laughing and go to bed with a smile. And, lord, this woman fit the bill. She was sassy, and she was smart, and she was funny, and she wasn't afraid to be a little bit salty, too. And I needed to have someone to laugh to and to enjoy a good story with. The doctors told me why I was hurting down there. It's cancer and I don't think I'm going to be laughing for too much longer. It was a shock to get that news. But that's just the way things go. I'm doing the best I can and she comes over a couple times a week and we sit on the porch and chat and tell stories and laugh about it all. For right now, that's what's keeping me going. That's why I want to stay alive, so I can see what the next punch line is gonna be."

2011-11-11T10:25:00.002-05:00

She said: "It was all around me. The light. That super bright light. It felt like I was being pierced by the light. Like the light was a laser and it was being beamed to everything around me. I was too stunned to turn around and run. I was too afraid to run anyway. I felt the light on my arms and on my legs. I felt warm on a cold November morning. I felt suspended. And at the same time, I felt comforted and protected some how. I didn't even think about running away. I don't think I could have run away even if I tried. The light grew brighter even than it was, but then began to fade. I could feel my skin cooling, and then, suddenly, it was gone. Just like that. Just gone. And I was stunned at how quickly the whole thing took to happen. I was stunned, but not from the light. I was stunned because it left me. Whatever it was, it left me, and moved on to some other place. And I was still here. I haven't moved an inch. Something happened, and then it was gone. If you look real close, you can still see the places where I got burned."

2011-11-04T14:55:00.002-04:00

She said: "I was never afraid. Not once even. I was made of sterner stuff. I was from Texas. That, in itself, explains why I didn't fold. I would never fold. It just wasn't in me. When someone said something or did something that I thought was just wrong, I let them know what I thought. Didn't matter if they were the garbage man or the President. Same thing. So when those young men came into my store, which first was my daddy's store before he died and I took over, well when they came in and told me that they wanted all the money and the jewelery, I was prepared. I knew that they had to be from out of town, 'cause there was no one in this town stupid enough to hold me up. I kept a pistol and a rifle under the table and I shot and killed the small one, and shot the bigger one on his crotch, so he went down too. The third one ran faster than I ever saw anyone from anywhere run. There was the mess after, of course. With the police and the court and just the to do of it all. But I stuck it out. This is my home, my town, my daddy's memory. There will never be anyone who will make me give up. I will never give up. Ever!"

2011-11-01T11:00:00.002-04:00

He said: "We played as tho we were in the garden because, I guess, that's were we wanted to be. We wanted something more than what we had. I know that sounds selfish, but that's the way was was then. We thought that we could find something that was better, more pure, more forgiving than the place we were at. We thought that Nature or God or something would shelter us from what was around us: War, more War, Hate, more Hate, hunger for what we thought was promised to us. We were, of course, wrong. It couldn't last. There was too much against us. What we wanted couldn't be tolerated. But, after all, there did appear lessons to be learned. Quite a few, actually. The one that I still keep close to me is that if everything is level, then everything can be the same. But it is hard to make everything level. Humans just don't work that way. The reality is the Above You is Below me."

2011-10-21T15:19:00.002-04:00

She said: "We had to rename the band because ME left. I don't why. He never explained it all. He just walked away. So "Me And You" became "ENU. We dropped the M. Without the spaces between the letters, the Band's name became some kind of animal: Enu. That worked for a little while until we found out that there was another band with those initials. We could buy them out, or rename ourselves again. There is an old saying that my grandmother used when I was little. She used to say that "The devil gives with one hand, and takes it away with the other." I could see now how that could apply to us. So, we renamed the band "GaZabi" It wasn't listed anywhere and was just strange enough to be interesting. The drummer has to leave for health reasons. This time I think we'll just hire another drummer".

2011-10-18T13:25:00.002-04:00

He drove to the edge of nowhere and pulled off the road. He got out of the car and bent over the sand, vomiting. He felt dizzy and wet with sweat. When he closed his eyes he could almost believe she was alive and with him still. It was worse in the morning as he drifted from dream to wakefullness. He could touch her and smell her scent in his dreams. When he was conscious, he was again alone. He straightened up and wiped his sour mouth with his shirt sleeve. The sky was full of stars and it was late. Somewhere off he could hear music.

2011-10-15T11:19:00.002-04:00

He said: "I have this feeling that I'm missing something. I have these thoughts that that it's already too late. I have these strange dreams that I'm floating on the water and I'm being pulled away from land and I don't know where I'm going, and I'm afraid of what I will find at the end of the sea that I am floating on. I have these feelings that I am alone and that the people I see are a mirage and are not real. I have these odd thoughts that come to me out of no where and that tell me that it is my time and that I must be here. I don't know where "here" is and I don't want to find out, really. I feel that I am being pulled somewhere by a force that I can't see or hear and that I don't know anything about. I feel that I am either here or that I'm gone. It doesn't make any sense, but then, it doesn't have to. If I am gone then I will surely soon be here."

2011-10-14T15:55:00.002-04:00

She said: "Sometimes it's hard to tell. Sometimes it's real hard to tell what the hell is going on. I really don't know from one minute to the next. I mean, I think it will go in one direction but I end up in another place all together. I don't know how that happens. I really try. I really do try to make it make sense somehow. I can't explain it. I don't have the words I need. Sometimes it makes me afraid a bit. Sometimes I think I'm loosing my mind, or the little bit that is left. I try not to let my family know that I don't know what's going on. I think they probably know by now, but no one is rude enough to say anything. "It's just the way Mom is." That's what I think they must say to one another. That's just the way she is." Bless them. I know it's hard on everyone. But it is especially hard on me. I just don,t know really. I just don't know."

2011-10-06T09:34:00.002-04:00

He said: "I haven't had a good week. Everything seems like it happens all at once, you know? I lost my job last week. No particular reason. "Cutting costs" they told me. And what pisses me off is I know my salary is gonna be used to make some fat cat fatter. So, that was the start of my week. Next is I found out my wife is gonna take the kids and move in to her Mother's place. Says things haven't been so good for a long time between us. Says I drink too much and abuse the kids by yelling at them when I'm drunk. So, lost my job, lost my family. W.T.F.? Do I slit my throat or walk off the pier? I'm not a bad person. I know that's what everyone says. But, really, I'm not. I'm just down on my luck and pissed off at who I am and where I am and why didn't work out better for me and my family. I just don't know. But one thing I do know is that this is a wake up call. I want things to be right again. I can't do it alone by my self. I can do this thing. I know I can. If there's one thing I know about this stinking world is that when things fall apart, they also fall together."

2011-09-24T09:36:00.002-04:00

She said: "Honey, I've done it all. I've been there and I have done all of that. I like being busy. What more can I tell you? I like what I do, so I do it a lot and as a result I have a GaZillion Friends. Just ask anyone. I know what's going on everywhere it seems. I don't just DO Social Media, honey, I AM Social Media. That's the thing that I do best. I have a job! This is my job. If someone posts something, I feel like, well, I have to respond. Doesn't matter if I don't know that person. So what? They don't know me either. And because I respond to all of them, some, and even maybe most, respond to me. And Liked? You want to know about Liked. Honey, I am for sure Liked. Maybe even loved a little. That, Dammit, that's where the rubber meets the road. Honey! My people love me. Because I am THERE for them."

2011-09-20T07:33:00.002-04:00

She said: "It's like waking up in your bed, but your bed has been turned around to face another wall and you know it wasn't like that last night. It's like if you looked up from the bed that is facing the wrong wall and everything you see is in black and white. From your window you can hear the birds tweeting and you know you've heard that noise before you can't say what it is, only that it isn't nice to hear. Imagine if you got up from your bed one morning and everything was different in subtle ways. The clock by your bed has some strange, wrong time on it. You can't quite dredge up the word that is used for a Bath Robe. You slowly make your way to the kitchen where everything looks O.K. but when you look as it a second time, nothing has a name and you can't remember where the cold box is. You are puzzled and you feel tired and wish only to go back to bed for a bit. Later, when you come downstairs for the second time you can smell it. You can't yet see it, but you can smell it. You know what it is. You can smell the fire in the kitchen, but you don't know how it started."

2011-09-19T12:33:00.002-04:00

She said: "It was after I lost the cat that things changed. Sounds silly, doesn't it? I loved my cat and she just got real sick. I thought it was because of the heat, but she got some virus in her and by the time I finally got her to the vet's , it was too late. She was in real pain. I held her in my lap as they "put her down". It only took a moment, really. Well, of course I cried, but not as much as I thought I might. I felt free in some way. I loved that cat. She wasn't really that old, you know. But, after she passed, I didn't have anything to hold me back. I didn't have to arrange things when I was out of town. I could not just go whenever I wanted. And I did. I had always wanted to see France. So, I went to France. Then Jamaica. Then Australia. Then Berlin. That's where I met Frank. We just hit it off at once. He is a cat lover too, but doesn't have one now. His tabby passed a few weeks before my own cat. Isn't that funny? Two old cat lovers meet in some far away place and all we could talk about was our cats. Well, there you go. Life is funny that way. It's hard to say exactly how it will all work out in the end."

2011-09-18T16:45:00.002-04:00

She said: "If you had a second chance, would you take it? Could you take it? Do you think that anything would have changed in your life if you had another chance to live your life? Do you think that life is what you make of it, or do you think that it is something that just happens to you while you are cleaning the house? What do you think would change for you if you had a second chance? What do you think you would loose? Would you take your children with you on a second chance? Would you take a mate? How much different would your life be if you could start over and make it all new? Would you have any regrets? Do you think that you would be brave enough? Would it make any difference if you could not look back? Maybe a second chance could just be the elimination of regrets. Maybe it could be that simple. Maybe if it were that easy we'd all jump on the chance to dream a different dream and not look back."

2011-09-17T18:39:00.002-04:00

She said: "Sometime, when I close my eyes at the end of the day, I can still see him. I never knew what happened. No one would every tell me what had happened. I'm not certain, really, that anyone, other than the "authorities" knew. Oh, there were people who claimed to know, but I didn't really listen to those people. They were members of the radical fringe and they would say anything if they thought it would help "The Cause". After he was gone, I just didn't care for the "Cause" anymore. It was him I wanted and needed. It was the sight and the small and the warmth of him that I wanted. I wanted to hear him speak to me and I wanted to look again into his eyes. I wanted him to be with me. I wanted to see him come around the corner, smiling and maybe humming a tune. I wanted to reach our for his hand and let him take me up stairs. But I know now that won't happen. I went to the memorial service. Our friends were kind to me. I just wanted to see him that one more time, but there wasn't enough to see. Or that's what they told me. I just wanted to see him and to feel my hand in his hand. I just wanted him to take me home.

2011-09-13T12:14:00.002-04:00

He said: "I waited a long time. Everyone encouraged me to be patient and to wait. They told me that was how it was. Everybody waits. That's what they say. So, I waited. What else could I do? I waited. But, finally, this year I got tired of waiting. I'm not getting any younger and any one can tell you that, in fact, I'm getting old. Really old. And I don't have a lot of time to wait anymore. I want to be heard now! So I took my story to the church and I told my story and my complaint to God. I expected something to happen after that. But nothing happened. Everything was just like it was before. So I went to a different church and I told God about the pain I have had and the torment that my mother, bless her, went through when she was ill and how she hung on through all of the awful things they put her through in the hospital and how I didn't think that was fair of God: to make her suffer like that. And nothing happened. It was like God stopped listening to me. And that's when I realized that he wasn't there for me and he wasn't there for my mother and that he would not hear my prayer. So I decided not to talk to God anymore. I told him not to bother me. I told him that I would not pray anymore. And I told him I would see him in Hell. And, now, I feel better. Strange, isn't it?"

2011-09-11T14:20:00.002-04:00

He said: "It's taking them a long time to fix it. I don't know what the hold up is. I mean, I hired these people because they know this stuff. They make their living doing this stuff. I'm paying them because I don't want to get down there and get mucked up. That's their job. But they sure are taking their time. They don't seem to be in any kind of a hurry. Meanwhile, I have to tip toe around and I have to change everything until they make up their mind about when they're going to come back and finish the job. I can't do much until that happens. They said something about tree roots being the problem. They said we'd have to wait a week or so. Well, it's been longer that than and I still have to watch what I do. Can't take a bath. Too much water. Can't shower: same deal: too much water in the system. When there is too much water the horror begins. The
water backs up and then the toilets end up flushing up, not down. You only want that to happen one time on you. I'll make you a bible loving man. It will bring you around, let me tell you. I just don't understand what is taking them so feeking long."

2011-08-30T14:23:00.002-04:00

He said: "It doesn't have to be today. It could be any day. It doesn't have to me now, it could be any time. It doesn't have to be you, it could be anyone. All it takes is a second. Maybe not even that much. It just takes a tear, or a smile, or the smell of a Spring flower and then you'll know. You'll know that you are here, here with us. Here with the rest of us who are here, waiting."

2011-08-22T12:55:00.002-04:00

He said: "you know, it aint like it was back then. It was always lit up, you know? But it wasn't always so bright. There were a lot of places in New York that you could hardly see at all after sun down. Some of the places we played didn't have no electricity for lights. Or for heat even. I guess those places were not exactly legal, but they were a place to place, so we played there. The usual was that we'd start showing up around midnight or so and start playing around 2 AM. By that time everyone who was planning on coming came. Sometimes we'd have a whole orchestra or sounds to play with. Other times all that we could squeeze out might be a quartet or so. Sometimes we had a singer, but mostly not cause who would want to sing behind all that mess? We had a good time, tho. We all learned a lot about music and about each other. Those were the good times you hear the older cats talking about. It sure 'nuf was a good time, yes sir."

2011-08-18T17:12:00.002-04:00

He said: "Everything in American comes in a condom. No pun intended, Ha ha, but it's true. It's almost impossible to buy anything that isnt wrapped up in at least 2 levels of plastic wrap that I often, to my dentist's horror, have a go at the tightly wrapped plastic wrapping that covers almost anything you buy. It makes we crazy. I still (I know, I know) buy CDs rather that download songs to iWhatever and those things, the music CD you'dt think they were worth a king's ransom, they are so hard to get opened. I swear, I cuss, I have a go with my finger nails, then move to my teeth, then just start cussing up a storm. I have learned to let the hired help behind the counter open the freeking thing for me. Otherwise I'd probably be in prison somewhere for assault or so. It's stupid and to my taste, unneeded. If we got rid of the hard plastic pods that are around seemingly everything, our level of heart attacks and just random violence to plastic would go way down. We'd be a happier people. We'd have more time to enjoy life rather than cuss at plastic, and wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't it?"

2011-08-15T13:05:00.003-04:00

He said: "Well, I did OK on the test. I was nervous, of course. I hate going to the doctor. They always make me nervous. I don't know why the Doctors always have some young lady person doing all of the personal stuff. You know: touching you in private places and asking personal questions about this and that. I only go to the doctor when I have to; otherwise I steer clear of those guys, mostly because of the money I know I'll have to put out. Them Republicans don't want me to go to the doctor at all, seems to me. Anyway, I get a pretty, young lady doctor and she asks me some pretty personal questions about my this and my that and I guess I maybe let go of more information that they needed to know from me, cause her face turned a little redish like and so I stopped talking. I asked if she was all right and she said she was, but I still think I told her too much. I'm just not used to doctors and stuff. I hope she didn't think I was too randy or something. They told me they was glad I came in, but maybe next time I,ll talk a little less if it's a woman doctor. That might be best."

2011-08-13T10:55:00.002-04:00

She said: "I was so upset when I read the paper. That article about that person they beat up. How could they be so stupid? How could they be so evil and mean? What stupidity. It just burns me up to think about it. I can't understand how someone could be so wrong. They obviously don't understand anything. We are all here because we have been directed here. This is the place, and these are the creatures we have been directed to because we are a part of it. We are the ones who make it happen. How is it possible that one of us can hate another or us? How is that possible? God, or whoever, put us here, all of us, for a purpose. How can we not come to the party? Any one of us. We are beautiful; we are glowing, we are the thing that moves. We are the question and we are the answer."

2011-08-02T11:47:00.002-04:00

She said: "I've been down here a long time. All I want is to get home. Is that so hard? I'm about to fall out. I had a rough night last night. He was a jerk; a real jerk. I don't know what his freeking problem was. I don't even care. But I had to put up with him all night and now here I am downtown and I'm waiting and waiting and waiting for the uptown to come. Where is it? I don't think I can hang out hear too much longer. That guy over there keeps nodding off. I'm afraid that he'll fall to the platform and bust his head open and then when the train comes, it will have to wait for the jerk to be taken off and sent to a hospital or something. Maybe I should like poke him awake or something. No, I aint gonna talk to no one. I'm just gonna sit here and wait for the freeking uptown. Where the hell is it?

2011-08-01T09:19:00.002-04:00

He said: "I suppose it's all in how you see it. Is it sunrise or is it the end of the day light? Is it absolution, or the wrath of God? Is it a storm or just August weather? So many little things are huge: so huge that they become just backdrop noise; a passing fancy; just" another day; just another day, ending or beginning, but making us notice just for a little while before it is lost, forever."

2011-07-27T10:58:00.002-04:00

She said: "Men? You wanta know about Men? I'll tell you about Men. I've known a lot of them, you know? Can't live with them. Can't live without them. They can be sweet as sugar and then the next minute be like a stone. They got to have what they want and they want it all time. Wears a girl out, I'm telling you. You see a man coming into the room and they got a big old smile on there face, you better look out cause the next thing you know, they'll be on top of you. Just that fast. You see? Men can't help themselves. They just made that way. You see? Men think with their balls. Yes! It's true. They think with their balls and the worse part is that what their balls are telling them they think it's true. That's how they get into trouble. Poor things. They just can't help themselves. It's not their fault, I guess. They just made that way."

2011-07-25T08:53:00.002-04:00

He said: "We waited in the forest. We had no where else to go where they might find us. If they found us, they would kill us all. The children would die first. They would make certain that we witnessed that. They they would kill the woman, and lastly, us. We were used to being in the wooded, old, forests. Many of our people had lived a long time among the trees and vines. It was cool in the forest and we could be hidden there where we could see them coming for us if that was what they were bent on doing. We had lost our homes, most of us, so the forest was our new homes, where we hoped to find mercy and where we set about to make a new life. And we waited for a sign; a sign to let us know that we were where we were supposed to be so that we would know when it would come; when our liberation would come."

2011-07-19T09:08:00.002-04:00

She said: It was just a matter of time before they found me. I knew that I could not run forever; that one day they would be there, waiting for me. I always knew that. Knowing that made me strong. I did not leave tracks in the snow. I did not breathe if I knew that they were near by. I could wait for days until they gave up and went somewhere else. This is how I lived. They is how many more of us have been able to live in this world. We are there, but you don't see us, and we like it that way. We are the past, blending into the future. We are who you are.

2011-07-15T09:02:00.002-04:00

It was as expected. It was a turning away. It was like a footprint in the snow. It was shelter on a rainy day. It was like the breath you take in before being surprised by a friend. It was like waiting for an answer. It was like being there. It was the end of a day and the sun was setting and the world, for a little while, was at peace as the bus turned a corner and disappeared. It was after the heat of the day and before the shadows begin to vanish. It was another day that would be followed by another day. It was like silence. It was there, then it was gone.

2011-07-13T09:29:00.002-04:00

He said: "It was like what I think Hell must be like. Everything was on fire. The sky was fire and everything that I could see was on fire. I could feel the heat on me. It felt like sheets of fire covering me. It was hard to see because of the fire, even though there wasn't a lot of smoke. It was all just fire. I don't think any of us knew what started it. It had been dry for a few months so no one was very surprised when the fire started. What was a bit of a surprise was how fast everything burned. After the fire started it took on a life of it's own. It became like a living thing. We could not contain it. We could not tell it where to go. It had it's own will. All we could do was watch and try to stay out of it's way. All we could do was watch as it burned up everything that we had. All we could do was to try to stay away from the flames and let it take what it wanted. That's all we could do."

2011-07-05T17:25:00.002-04:00

She said: "Well, you know, it's really a guy thing. Only men and boys go Ga-Ga over a car. I don't think women care one way or another. For woman, a car is a car. But that's not how men feel about it. Their car is a symbol of who they are and where they rank in their world. It's like an extra penis. The men show their cars to other guys and they make a big deal out of getting a new faster, shiny, new car to go "Vrmm, Vrmm" in. It's really so silly, but I'd never tell my husband that. I already know what he would say and it wouldn't be civil. Anyway, as I said, it's different for woman. We are more practical and we are the ones that have to haul groceries and pre-grade and elementary schoolers around in. For us, it's a tool to help us get the job done. That's it. When the thing needs fixing, it goes back to the man. From what I can see about the whole topic, from a woman's point of view, a car is just another skin we put on to go somewhere else. That's the whole story."

2011-07-01T14:41:00.003-04:00

He said: "Oh, I admit it now. I couldn't do that for awhile. I couldn't do much of anything for awhile. I couldn't forgive her for dieing on me like that. I couldn't bare the quiet. I couldn't stand the silence and quiet and the fact that I had to eat alone and that she wasn't there to chat me up and cheer me up and she wasn't there to keep me warm by moving close to me as we slept. I couldn't understand what had happened to our life together. I hated it. I didn't know how to live a life that didn't have her in it. I was quietly dieing with her gone. But, we abide, don't we. We push on somehow. But those days after the funeral were very dark days for me. I didn't know how to push on. I was alone and afraid. Those were dark days of being in darkness. But I learned how to live again somehow. I learned how to live in darkness. Sometimes, I've found, one has to go into darkness in order to find the light. Without know how, that's what a did. I stepped into darkness and waited to find the light."

2011-06-16T12:09:00.002-04:00

She said: "You know? We were all friends. We grew up together. We used to play at each other's house. We went to school together. We dated each other. You know? We were a team. We looked out for each other. When one of us was in trouble, we all gathered around the one in trouble and tried to make it better. We were a crew, ya know? We dressed alike . We thought alike. I loved these people. Do you know what I mean? This was my world and these were the people in my world. I would have done anything for my friends. I would have gone anywhere to help them if they were in trouble and needed help. Later on, I baby sat for some of the new born little ones that were coming along. I didn't even see it happen. I remember looking up and seeing the bus coming toward where we were sitting. It was coming real fast and I member thinking that the bus driver was driving too fast to stop for us. I stood up and I think that saved me. I got thrown into the air and was hurt some, but not all that bad. Everyone else who was waiting for the bus was killed except for me and a little girl, Ema. For some reason we were spared. I don't know why. I hope some day I will know why. I hope some day I can forget what happened to my friends."

2011-06-10T14:24:00.002-04:00

He said: "Ya know? I always wanted to be someone special. Not that I'm not, but, you know, I wanted to make a name for myself somehow. I wanted to stand out from the crowd and be someone that people would admire and, you know, look up to. Someone who was over and above. I didn't have the faintest clue how someone like me could be someone like that, but I worked hard to find out somehow. I couldn't even tell you why I wanted to be this way. Maybe it was because my Mom and Dad didn't have everything that they wanted. We just didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up. Then Dad died suddenly and, you know, times were bad. I went to school to study medicine, but I had to drop out and make some money. I got married and then the babies started coming and then, well, I don't know how to say it, I guess life just took over. Just like it does with most people. I don't know how a guy like me gets recognized for doing something well or being someone that folks admire, or any of that. I don't know how a regular guy with dreams gets to live those dreams out. I'm just a regular guy. I don't know how you get "in" on any of the good stuff. I'm just trying to make it happen for me and my family. I think we can get better and do better. I guess time will tell."

2011-06-05T10:52:00.002-04:00

She said: "I always wanted to be a dancer. I don't know why; my body somehow drove me to that decision. I didn't struggle or worry about this choice. My body knew, so I went with it. I loved the physical part of it, even when I got hurt doing something too fast or too slow or if my timing was off. I loved feeling the air rush around me. I loved being somewhere in the air for a moment; if only for a moment. I loved seeing my friends in the company rush by me and then vanish. Dance was the world I chose to live in. Dancers became my tribe. I ate, drank, cried for, hurt for, did everything for one thing: Dance. I don't dance so much anymore. My feet are shot for one thing; I tire easily and I'm often in pain. I'm older now, so I don't move so fast. I'm still in the company. We are growing old together; I love the younger dancers who have come in to join us. I love the way they look and the way there throw their bodies into the air. I love watching what once was mine."

2011-05-31T09:25:00.002-04:00

He said: "When I think about cars, I think about my father, who is now in his late 80s. He was the one who bought the cars. Being a guy, and since cars were a guy thing, he was the one who picked out the car and who paid for the car. On long family trips, he was the driver, because that's what men do. They drive. When the cars broke down on the way to some place, Dad was the one who was responsible for getting a tow to the nearest garage. He was the one who did the car "stuff". Mom drove the kids around to school events, and she drove to the grocery store. That all fell under the category of "Home Work". Dad got the cars, but Mom got the house and most of the stuff it is. The kids?. We were just passing through. My sister would one day have a home to rule over. Me and my Brother: We had the cars."

2011-05-27T11:55:00.002-04:00

She said: "I had this dream where I was having lunch with Andy Warhol. It was in some mid-town place and the food was OK, but not fabulous. He was the shy person I always thought he was supposed to be. Kinda funny. Very pale. Almost bald but hiding it. Quite. He was surprise when I told him that I was so sorry when I heard that that awful woman shot him dead. I went to the funeral, of course. He was stunned for a moment as if he were trying to remember being shot and then being dead. He made some funny comment about one of the Factory "Ladies" but then the conversation moved on the other things. Like, what he was working on now. He was tired of the very large paintings that he did before, you know, the "event that would be tacky to bring up again" and how he thought that America was ready for tiny paintings that you could put in your wallet and trade with friends because the economy was bad and every had all the big stuff they would ever want, so little was going to be the newt BIG. I was happy that he was happy and glad that he wanted to have lunch with me. But, you know what? I paid the bill because he doesn't carry money. He only paints it."

2011-05-23T13:16:00.002-04:00

He said: "You know? We were in this band called "Fecal Matter" like in the 70s and we toured a lot. Maybe you saw us. We opened for a lot of bands coming up or down the East Coast. I have to say that we were pretty outrageous. Threw up on stage. Jumped into the crowd at the foot of the platform. Poured fake blood on one another. You know. Just the general mayhem that the 70s were all about. Got arrested in South Carolina and Tampa. Maybe another place too. Who could keep track. I mean, we didn't get busted for anything serious, just the usual mayhem and public outrage. Never got busted for dope, I'm happy to say. We didn't have no high priced lawyers for something serious like drugs. And junk and coke and all just wasn't a "thing" like it was in the 60s and stuff. So, we made some records that did OK and you know, we got noticed and we were working hard and then "Douch" up and died on us. He was the leader. He wrote the songs. He got the contracts. He WAS "Fecal Matter". He keeled over during the end of our set somewhere in New Jersey of all places. Jersey, for Christ's sake! Didn't ever make the papers. If we were in New York we might have got us some publicity out of it or something, but not in New Jersey. Nothing really worked about "Douch" was gone. I guess we just lost heart. Dude and I tried to get another band together, but in truth, we were just burned out. We had it. It was a warning and we both were ready to just chill out for a bit. SO. 40 years later, we are asked to put the band back together for some kind of fund raiser for kids or something. Are you kidding me? I'm going in for prostate surgery next week!"

2011-05-20T10:31:00.002-04:00

She said: " She died on September 11th and I don't know why. That's the part that hurts me the most: there was no reason for her to die. There was no reason for her to be down there that day. I don't know what drew her there. I don't know why she had to die there, in all of that smoke and in all of that fire and in all of that confusion. It just doesn't make any sense. It was a day like any other day, but then everything turned upside down. I knew something was wrong when she didn't call me. Something told me that something was not right. Of course, I saw the smoke and later I heard the news from neighbors here. By mid afternoon everyone in the world knew what had happened. It was then that I really began to worry, even as I told myself that it was crazy to worry about her. There was no reason for her to be there. There was no reason at all for her to go downtown then. What the hell was she doing there? It took a week for the confirmation. By that time I was already sure she was gone. Oh, God! What the hell was she doing there? She's dead, and I don't know why."

2011-05-19T11:26:00.002-04:00

He said: "Oh, she was sure enough a fine woman. I knew that at first glance. I liked what I saw. I liked the her butt swayed when she walked on those high heal shoes. I like the way she smiled when she looked at me. I like the way she teased me and then led me on. Whenever I wasn't with her, I thought about her and I'm sure that I had a smile on my face when that happened. She told me all kinds of stories about her self. She told me about her Momma and Poppa when she was young, and about her Gran in Mississippi. She told me about how much he loved and needed me. She called me "Sugar". She had me wrapped around her little finger. I turned into one of those dopes who follow a good looking woman with our tongues hanging out. The longer I stayed with her, the more she lied to me. I began to see that her stories were different almost every time she told them. At first I didn't mind, but then I began to think that if she lied to me about her parents and her Grand Ma, then she probably could lie to me about how much she loved and needed me and I started to call her out. She would just smile and give me that smile and I'd fold. But it still bugged me. And, finally, I had to call her on her lies. Oh, she sweet talked me and I almost fell for it again, but by then I knew that she had other men, not just me. I wanted her her know that I knew, but she didn't care. I wanted her to learn the difference between truth and lies. I wanted her to know the difference between teasing and bull shit. I wanted her to know the difference between Reality and Fabrication."

2011-05-16T19:24:00.002-04:00

She said: "I just don't understand that man. I just don't understand men, period. I don't understand how he could go out like that and come home in a giant truck. He didn't tell me he was going to buy a car. A car would have been one thing, but he came home in the biggest thing on 4 wheels I have ever seen. He tells me that it isn't a truck, but a hybrid thing on wheels or something. I, at my age, have to climb up a some sort of stairs to get into this thing. I felt like I was getting air sickness up there. It's got T.V. screens in it. It's got God knows what else. I'd like to know where the money came from for this giant Hybrid thing with Air Conditioning and what not. I think he must have had a stroke or something or may he just went crazy on me. I don't understand how he could get up one morning and between Breakfast and Lunch decides that he needs a new car. But he doesn't come home in a new car. That would be one thing. No,he comes home in an efficiency apartment on wheels. What could that man have been thinking? I've lived with him for over 35 years and I still don't know where he gets these crazy ideas. And he doesn't even let me know what's coming until it's too late."

2011-05-15T10:54:00.002-04:00

She said: "In 1972 we were trusted with a secret. We were, each of us, pledged never to acknowledge the secret or to share it with another person outside of the group. We were told that the secret would be made public on a global scale sometime in 2012, which was a very, very long time from 1972. Some of us have died since that time. This was to be expected. Some of us have forgotten. Others have been scattered to the winds of war or to the winds of time. We don't know where all of our bothers and sisters are now, but, still, we prepare for the time of answers. It is difficult now for us who remain. We have waited a long time. We have not seen each other for decades, some of us. We are excited and fearful at the same time. The days of truth are upon us and we are ready. These are dangerous days because we are so close. We must be strong and we must be patient. In good time, all shall be revealed."

2011-05-09T11:27:00.002-04:00

He said: "As a boy, I was fascinated by the cars that my father and uncles had. Even my Grand Father's car was a magical thing to me. Grandpa had a Buick. A Buick was a step up from a Ford. Which is not to say that a Ford wasn't good. It just wasn't, you know, classy like a Buick. Another uncle had a Pontiac. Pontiacs were Fast. They had "Pep", or maybe that was just the way my uncle drove. A friend of the extended family in and around Trenton, New Jersey, had a Chrysler. Now, that was one hot car. It was classy and fast. It smelled good inside and the door handles were kind on part of the body somehow. You didn't see the door handles until you needed to open the door. Then they were there. Otherwise they were not seen. The cars then were all Men's cars. Women, then, didn't have cars. Cars were a Man thing. Men bought them. Men fixed them. Men juiced them up. It was a power trip over both women, who didn't have cars, and other men, whose cars were maybe not as new or as shiny or not as fast as another guys car. My Dad traded in every 3 years. I think almost everyone traded in after 3 years. They didn't make cars that lasted any longer. And there was no "Foreign" cars then at all. All cars were American cars, made for Americans, in America. And that was that." After all, didn't America invent the car?"

2011-05-06T08:44:00.002-04:00

She said: "I've always, from the time I was a little girl, liked the dark. I like the blankness of the dark and the quiet. I like pulling the covers on the bed over my head so that no light whatsoever is visible to me. In the dark, I see things. I see floating whiteness. I like the quiet of the dark. In the dark is where I do my thinking. Ideas come to me faster in the dark than they do in the light. I think that the dark is more natural to humans than the light. Light needs a star or something to make it shine. The dark doesn't need anything. It is what it is. It is the dark. When I want to be alone, which is often. I go to the cinema and watch a movie in the dark. Movies tell me all that I need to know about life in America. In the movie theater I hear what is going on in or culture. I like no-so-fresh popcorn, like they serve you at the cinema. But, mostly, I just like sitting alone in the dark, watching the light move around me."

2011-04-30T17:37:00.002-04:00

He said: I had a very strange dream. Honestly, I don't know where these things come from. In this dream last night, I was going to heaven in a 1957 Pontiac convertible. Leather seats. The whole thing. I was going pretty fast, with the top down, but there was absolutely no traffic at all. I guess that kind of makes sense. Of course Heaven wouldn't have traffic jams. That's one of the many reason why it's "Heaven". Anyway, I'm not sure why I was driving to heaven. I guess it has to be better than driving to hell. Probably you'd drive a real "beater" to Hell. So, anyway, here I was in this great car, but I was by myself. There was no girl friend or wife and whatever in the front seat with me. I don't remember what, if anything, was in the back. And I don't know why Heaven was my destination. I'm not really going to try to figure that part out. I'm just going to take is as I think it was in the dream. I'd say that it was a fairly positive dream, as dreams go. But, there is this uncomfortable part of the dream that I worry about. If I'm on my way to heaven, wouldn't that mean that I would have to be dead?"

2011-04-28T09:13:00.002-04:00

She said: "You've, no doubt, heard about someone finding and getting a message in a bottle. That message would probably have been thrown into the sea a long time ago, making it's way to, say, England, for many, many decades. That would be a message from the past in that bottle washing up on the shores of an English beach. Well, I got something like that recently. What I got was a message from the Future. It was astonish! While I was going though some papers in my desk at home, I found a letter that was written to me by my doctor at that time. I don't remember ever seeing this letter before, but the post mark was from over 20 years ago. I don't see that doctor anymore, because he passed away probably a decade or more ago. Anyway, what the letter from him said was that I should come into his office soon to have more testing done. The reason for the testing was that the lump in my breast was malignant. Now, here is the strange part: I know for a fact that I did not have cancer 20 years ago. I didn't have cancer 10 years ago, or 5 years ago. I was diagnosed only 5 months ago. How did my doctor from 20 years ago know that I would have cancer in 2011?"

2011-04-19T11:22:00.002-04:00

She said: "It's not what can be said; it's what can be understood. It's not what we feel, it's what can be made real to us. If it doesn't make sense, it is probably because it is outside of what you know and what you feel. Life if a complex experience, don't you think? It is beyond thought, beyond context; beyond feeling, beyond thinking, beyond seeing; beyond experience. It's a moment by moment collection of what is around you and what is waiting for you just around the corner or just down the street."

2011-04-18T09:39:00.002-04:00

He said: "I was falling. I was falling through time. It was hard to catch my breath because I was
moving so fast. I saw my mother as a very young woman. I barely recognized her. I saw the town that I grew up in. It was just a blur, but I could make out my High School as it rushed by me. I could see the relatives, the Aunts and Uncles and the brother who was killed in 'Nam in 1968. I was falling faster and faster and the faster I fell I less I could make out. There was a roar in my ears from air and time around me that I was falling into. It was getting darker. I was getting cold. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know were I was going so fast. So fast. It all happened so very very fast."

2011-04-11T11:31:00.002-04:00

She said: "I can see the tears of the people who can not cry. They can not cry because the life that they have does not permit the time or the effort of tears. There are more important things for these people that tears. There is life beyond pain and beyond despair, and beyond loss. There is the need to find food, to find water, to find the money to buy medicine for a dying father or child. Tears are a luxury that is not worth the effort. It is, for these people, a wasteful luxury that only other people can afford. For some reason, I was born with the ability to see the tears that these people can't afford to spill. I can see the pain that they feel. I can see the hurt that they carry with them everyday. It is not a trial for me to be so blessed. Someone has to witness what can not be seen. Someone has to be the one to take on the pain of life and lift it up. I don't know why that person is me. I don't question it anymore. Everyone has a job to do. This is my job. This is what I was brought here to do."

2011-04-10T12:07:00.002-04:00

He said: "I keep looking for something that might make some sense to me, something that will help me, and maybe others, to understand what all of this is about. No one that I know of has had any luck making this transparently obvious to a simple fool, like me. Lord knows I've tried to understand. Lord knows I want to understand why this has been delivered to us this way. If there were only a small clue that I could take up and use to find my way, that would be a blessing. But there isn't anything that I can see that will do me any good. It's just a mess. I guess that's the conclusion I have to come to now. It's just a mess that we'll all have to deal with."

2011-04-03T08:55:00.002-04:00

She said: "I'm not in pain. I'm thankful that I'm not in a lot of pain. I don't think I could bare it if I needed meds for the pain. I do know now, however, what 'progressive' means and it don't mean anything good. Just like I thought 'early' was good; that is was good that this thing was caught early. Ha! What a laugh. Early just means that I'm too young to be this sick. So, each day, I get a little bit more sick and have a little bit more difficulty doing simple things like keeping track of where the phone is. My husband thinks I should be happy. He praises the Lord that I'm still here with him. He and the children both. He thinks that I should be happy with the life I have left. And I say 'amen' to that. What he don't know is that I curse God every day for taking away from me the life that I once had."

2011-04-01T10:17:00.002-04:00

He said: "I had a dream about Robert Rauchenberg. You know: that abstract painter guy. He made these huge, colorful, crazy paintings in the 50s and 60s and his mate was a famous painter too. Anyway, I had this dream about him. He was painting way up above me. He was like floating in the air and painting in the air way above where I was in the dream. He looked like he was painting heaven; he was really concentrating on what he was doing and I yelled out to him, but he either didn't hear me or didn't care to answer. He was just up there, floating away and painting the sky and the air as he floated away. I was so impressed. That's what I want, I thought to myself in my dream. That's what I want to do. I want to float away to heaven and paint the whole way there."

2011-03-30T09:40:00.002-04:00

She said: "It was a fine day; as fine a day as can be imagined. The sun was shined down on me and I could feel the heat and it felt good after the too long winter. I felt like I now know why people who have the money go South for the colder months. "I have made it through" I thought to myself. "I can move on from here". I felt that the sun was shinning on me for a reason. I felt that, from here on, things would go my way and everything would work out for the best. I felt free to do the things I want to do. I felt like I was whole again. I felt like maybe the Doctor got it wrong and that I wasn't really that sick. I felt that I was getting better now that the sun had shined on me. I felt like the worst was over. I also felt that I was fooling myself, but it felt good to be in denial for a little while; a little while while the sun was shinning on me."

2011-03-29T09:58:00.002-04:00

He said: "I have had to learn all of this the hard way. It has taken a lot of my time and a lot of my energy and focus, and this is what I know now: The Universe we live in is made up of knotted braids of misunderstanding. These misunderstandings affect the entire cosmos and, indeed, everything we do. We have been unaware of how much all of this affects us moment by moment. It is like a game of tennis that is played in a small room. That was why it took me so long to document this discovery. Because the Misunderstanding is so woven into the fabric of our thinking and of our lives as we experience them, it has been difficult to separate the various components of this discovery. It has been difficult to organize my findings. It has been frustrating because my focus of often pulled away and I forget what it is I need to do. I forget often, but I know for a fact now that everyone doesn't remember something and that is because of the braids of misunderstanding."

2011-03-28T10:51:00.002-04:00

She said: "He was my kind of man. He rocked hard with the band and lived a 24 hour day. I couldn't keep up with him, but I tried. It was hopeless. Even if I took the drugs and stuff he jammed down his throat and nose and whatnot, I could not stay up with him and his 24 hour days. He was just crazy in that way. The band was at their peak then and soon it all started to fall quietly apart. The drummer stopped taking to the Bass player. The Bass player had a beef with the lead singer who, in turn, couldn't stand the Guitar player who hated the Drummer. In that kind of close environment, this was the start of a long fall. But I have to say, I was crazy to stay with him, as crazy as he was. But I guess I loved him in some way. He was my kind a guy, even though he was a junkie and a jerk sometimes. Even through all of that, I have to say I loved him. I guess that means I was crazy too, and I guess I was. I guess we all were. I guess it was the best part of life up until now"

2011-03-15T10:49:00.002-04:00

He said: "This is the dream of the dreamer dreaming. This is the call to action. This is the answer to the call. This is the vision of the other side of the coin. This is the reward and this is the punishment. This is the dream we all dream. This is a warning of caution."

2011-03-14T13:34:00.002-04:00

He said: "I am loosing my words. Each day more of my words leave me and I have to invent new ways to speak without the use of the lost words. If it is a complicated word that is gone, that is not so much a problem. I can always use a simpler word in it's place. But, when a simple word is taken from me, well, that can cause problems. It makes talking to you tricky as I try to take the long was around a word or a group of words that are simple and known to everyone but me. It is frustrating to say the least. I used to like talking to people. Now I dread it. I never know what word has been taken from me until I try to find it in my head and around my mouth. That is when I know that it is gone. That is when I know that I have lost another word. It's like loosing another friend. It's like the word getting smaller every day. It's like a kind of death."

2011-03-07T15:35:00.002-05:00

She said: "..I had this terrible dream where everything around me was on fire. The houses in my neighborhood were on fire and the trees where on fire and all around me people were screaming because of the fire. I, however, wasn't on fire. I could feel heat and I could smell smoke, but the fire wasn't on me, but it was all around me. I don't know why I wasn't burnt. I don't know why I was saved. I don't know what started the fire and I don't know what put it out because I woke up then. I was breathing so fast and I started to cry. The dream was so real. I finally settled down, but I could not sleep anymore. I saw the sun come up, but I stayed in bed. I called in sick to work because I was still so upset. What do you think it means? Why did the fire happen? What put it out? Why was this my dream? I don't think anyone else I know had such a dream. I never want to die that way. I don't want to go by fire. I don't want to go by fire."

2011-02-28T09:42:00.002-05:00

He said: "I wish that I could walk away from this war. I wish that I could walk away from the racism of this war. I wish that instead of killing these people, I could, in some way, help them live a better life. I wish I didn't have to see the things I've seen here. I wish that I could feel like something positive would be the result of my being here. I wish that the horror could stop, both for me and for the people, men, woman, and children, who are the victims of all this horror. I wish that I had known more, had researched and studied more in school so that I didn't have to be here. I wish that being here wasn't the only option that I could think of before I enlisted and came here. I wish this war would end. I wish that all of the people that I have killed or all of the brave men and woman that have died here, could magically be returned to their loved ones as happy, smiling, people who are just trying to get from one paycheck to the next, but who are full of love and happiness, and live with the knowledge that the next day will always be a little bit better than today. And that no one had to die."

2011-02-24T11:43:00.002-05:00

She said: "This is were my heart resides. This is my staff and this is my strength. These are my people. These are the people who know me and love me and to whom I return love. This is my heart and my soul and the true marker of who I am and the map that guides me to where I am going. This is my truth. This is what makes me rich and what binds me to the earth. These are the things that I know. This is where I pray and where I rest at the end of day. This is my land. It is the place I will become when the time says that I must go. This is my home."

2011-02-22T09:49:00.002-05:00

He said: "I grew up in an era of endless war. I saw my older brothers go into the "service" and not return home except in a pine box. I saw my parents grow old in war. I was the youngest son and was the last to be called, but by then the wars were folding up and there wasn't a lot for me to do but to fill up the body bags and stay safe. I hate war. I hated war more after I was called into service. I just never understood the reason for it. One man on one man in a argument is one thing. I was pretty good in the pub when a fight started. But I could never quite get what out and out war between nations or states could accomplish except, maybe, to get rid of a lot of hungry, poor people. It just never made any sense to me. I survived, but war didn't make me any smarter, or richer, or different, except it made me hate war all the more."

2011-02-21T13:43:00.002-05:00

He said: "When the day is done and the sky lights a fire in the heavens and darkness takes us to a place with no shadows and no certain outcome, and the temperature drops soliciting a shutter and a desire for warmth and safety, that is when I will strike you down. That is when I will surround you with sorrow. That is when you will know my name."

2011-02-17T09:54:00.002-05:00

She said: "I was blinded by the light. I couldn't see anything and all around me there was wind and fire. I was trying to call out to the others, but I don't think they could hear me. It was hard to breath and the light was so bright that I had to go in that direction. I thought that I would feel heat, but as I got closer, the heat changed to cold and as I got closer, I could see what it was. It was a ship, or a plane of some kind, or a portal or an idea that could turn into a reality. I felt light and refreshed and ready and the light got brighter and the sounds got louder, and I could see their faces looking back at me and I was taken up but left behind, but I had had made a contact and that single moment changed everything."

2011-02-16T10:04:00.002-05:00

He said: "It was a long time ago. I was a young man and I had ideas. I wanted to make a mark, but I didn't know how to do it. So, as you might guess, I messed it all up. I hung out with the wrong people, developed the wrong ideas, lusted after the wrong things and I became a monster. I hurt people I should have loved and loved people I should have been repulsed by. I woke up drunk and went to sleep with a needle in my arm. I was soon on the street and sick and there was really no one I could turn to. So, I decided that the only person I could count on was me. I started to change. It was gradual, but I noticed subtle changes in me. I slowly got smarter. As I got smarter I began to get stronger. It took a long time, but, here I am. Everything still looks a lot like yesterday. But, at the same time, looks real different that tomorrow."

2011-02-11T14:56:00.002-05:00

She said: "I am writing this in invisible ink so that I can forget what you told me. I am speaking to you in tongues so that you can understand me. I am turning away so that you can see me. I am severing my tongue so that we can speak. I do this all for you so that you can understand h0w hard it is to talk to you."

2011-02-10T09:49:00.002-05:00

She said: "I'm waiting. I think that's what almost everyone is doing on any particular day and some particular time. We are all just waiting. We are waiting because there is nothing to move us, to propel us to the next thing, to inspire us to get up and dance, or to run as fast as we can, the embrace joy and to become a child again. We are waiting at work for the day to be over. We are waiting in school for the lesson to end. We are waiting to cross the street. It is all so mundane. I am waiting, as we all are, for the transformation that we all know must come to us. I am waiting for the ordinary, and I am waiting to be transformed by the miraculous."

2011-02-09T13:10:00.002-05:00

He said: "I was falling through space. The branch I was standing on snapped under my weight and it and I fell. I could see every single thing as I fell. I could see the sky and the clouds that were above me. I could see the other trees in that part of the wood. I could see animals, like squires and a bunny, on the ground that was coming up to meet me. I heard sounds and saw lights. It was like my brain was suddenly on "high" and it was taking in each moment of my fall and was sending this information back to me. As the ground came closer, it seemed to me that everything was slowing down. My fall was slowing, like there were unseen hands that were there to catch me somehow. I remember hitting the earth and hurting, but the hurting was only for just a moment. I lost my breath, but then got it back. Nothing was broken except that branch. I was saved, somehow, I don't know why. It was like I fell into someone's hands, into someone's care, into something that I can't explain. All I know is that I'm alive and mostly unhurt and am in someones hands and those hands are now are a part of me. They are taking good care of me, a foolish old man."

2011-02-04T09:58:00.002-05:00

She said: " I have good days and then I have not-so-good days, just like everybody else. Sometimes it's the weather that is the cause. Sometimes it's the heat. Sometime there are pains in my arms and legs that I can't explain and other times I'm just not hungry. It's not a big deal. I don't know why they make it out to be such a big deal. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to anyone. Sometimes I just don't know where my purse is. Sometimes my purse just needs a "time out". Why does everything have to make sense. I don't think that life makes hardly any sense. I think everything is random. You just have to roll with it, don't you? Especially on "bad" days. Especially on bad hair days. You just have to roll with it. What else can you do?"

2011-02-01T07:35:00.003-05:00

He said : "You asked me, so I'm going to tell you what I think. I think you shouldn't wait too long. I think you shouldn't wait too long to be who you are. I don't think you should wait too long to find your dreams. I don't think you should wait too long to grab a piece of the pie and then to run with it. I don't think you should wait too long to know what it is that makes you alive and that feeds you and that directs you to heaven and that whispers in you ear to let you know that you are not alone and that there is a purpose that is waiting for you. I don't think you should wait too long to live your life, because before you know it, it will be over and you don't want to be one of people who, at that moment, is still waiting for their live to begin."

2011-01-29T11:14:00.002-05:00

She said: "He started coming to the park after his partner died. It was something to do. In the warmer months, he liked to watch the people who passed through it on their way to one of the museums or galleries. They were usually followed by school age children wearing shorts and cloth bill caps with sports team names on them. There were only a few other regulars at the park, and although he didn't know much about them, he knew them all by name. In the winter fewer of them came to sit and talk, but he himself never missed a day. It was better than sitting in the apartment, alone, in the quiet that was never filled. Watching the dust settle. Hearing the sounds of distant neighbors. Thinking about the time he had alone."

2011-01-28T10:36:00.003-05:00

He said: "Do you remember the dreams of your youth? Boy, I sure remember mine. I wanted to be a football hero and a movie star and a body builder and a hero. Oh, and a Scientist who would discover all kinds of cures to save the lives of people across the globe. And, I would be famous and I would be rich and I would have a lovely wife and many children who would be smart and would adore me. Well, I got the wife part right. I don't know why our dreams don't become realities more often than they do. I guess we forget them as time goes on and reality takes over or something. I guess I just got distracted by living every day. Stuff happens. Isn't that what they say? I didn't realize all of my dreams, but I got some of them OK. I guess that's pretty good in the long run. I guess it's better not to realize the dreams of your youth than to not have had any dreams at all."

2011-01-24T08:30:00.002-05:00

She said: "Oh, the wind is so cold today; I can feel the chill run right through me. Oh, I hate the Winter cold. I try each year to bare it, but each year I hate it more: the wind, the cold, the greyness of it all; the fact that the leaves are gone and the flowers are dead and I hate having to open the door knowing what is behind it. I'm getting older each year. Other people my age go to warm places in Winter. I have my home here, so this is where I stay. It is where my people are. It is where I grew up. But, now, things are changing. The more time that goes by, the more doors are closing on me and the more I feel the cold coming in. Please don't leave me here alone. I need the warmth of your company. I'll make some hot tea; we could talk. There are so many doors that are closing now; so many doors closing to me now. Won't you please let me in now; I want to be warm, so please let me in."

2011-01-22T20:54:00.002-05:00

He said: "Well, now they all wanna know. Nobody wanted to know anything before it happened, but now they wanna know what made him do it. I told them it would happened but no body would listen then. They were saying that I was the one who was nuts. They were trying to put the whole thing on my head, but it wasn't me that was the dangerous one. I tried to tell them he was sick and had problems with money and problems with dope, and problems with women, but they wouldn't listen. It think they just didn't want to deal with it and they didn't want to deal with me. But, now they have to deal with me. I'm the only one left that can speak for him. I'm the only one who was there at the end. They wouldn't listen then, but they'll have to listen now."

2011-01-16T09:32:00.002-05:00

He said: "Well, I got the word and it ain't good. It's worse that I thought. I thought that it was just something that would clear up on its own, but it's not that kind. I have to tell you that I wasn't kind to the Doctor. I screamed and cussed him out and when he tried to calm me down, I threw a punch at him. Some other young Docs came in and held me down on the floor while I cursed at them and cursed God, and a cursed a Universe where something like this is possible. Then I cried; bawled like a baby, and when I was finished with that, I was finished. There wasn't anything else to do; there wasn't anything else to say. I felt a calmness like what I think death is like. I was just empty. There wasn't anything left of me. I was gone for a little bit there. I was outside of this life, and in a darkness that both made me afraid and also cooled me, making me aware of being alive again. I'm OK now. I don't like it, but I accept it. The darkness is there all the time now, just waiting. I intend to make it wait a very long time."

2011-01-16T09:19:00.002-05:00

She said: "When the words start to come to me, I have to stop what I'm doing right then, in order to catch the words before they blow away. Language is so fragile! If I don't run them down, they get away and all that I have left is a few commas, or a few nouns, maybe, if I'm lucky. You can't do much with a comma and a stray noun. It can be very exciting, tho. When the messages come to me, I feel that I have a purpose here; the purpose given to me is to capture the words and make them straight and true so that anyone, not just me, can have the opportunity to see what comes through us and then is forever captured on paper; or even on the palm of your hand. I feel very lucky that I am one of the people who can do this. There aren't many of us. It's a lot of work. But I love it! The only thing that wound be better is knowing where the words come from. I would love to know where they are birthed and how is it that they come to us. But, truly, I don't think I'll ever be given that knowledge and, you know, that's O.K. I don't want to ask for too much."

2011-01-12T18:51:00.002-05:00

She said: "It just happened one day. Just like that, I couldn't find words to say what I wanted to say. My words got a notion to be independent of my wishes. The mouth was in this game too. I can't tell you how angry I got. I felt totally betrayed by my mouth and the worst was how silly I felt whenever I talked. I'd will one word and another one would pop up and take the place of the one I chose. My friends would look at me strangely, as if I was from another planet. It just didn't make an sense to me. What in the world had happened to my world. No one else seemed to have the problems that I was having. I thought that maybe I had been taken to another planet while I slept, and this place was very much like our planet but they used a different but similar language there on that place. I just cried and cried, but what could I do? I felt just the same as before all of this stuff started happening. I thought I was loosing my mind! I was frightened and angry and I wanted everything to go back to where it was before, but that didn't happen. I ran away, or tried to. I wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere where everything was normal, but I lost it. I was lost. I was lost on the road to language."

2011-01-09T09:35:00.002-05:00

He said: "I knew your father. Did you know that? I knew him many years ago when we were both young and were at University. He was a gentle creature, like you. He smiled a lot as if he knew the punchline to a joke that someone was about to tell. He liked people in general, I think. Of course, like every one, he hated the war and did what he could to stop it. It was unstoppable. But that didn't stop him from trying. He was a poet and a painter. I think he also was fond of photography. I'm certain that all of his work was lost in the fire that summer that you were born. I know that he loved you and your mother very much. It's a shame that he couldn't have known you more, like I do. There are many things you would have had in common; also many things that you could have taught each other and argued about. He would have reached out to you in his pain and you would have taken his hand in yours and you both would have been one person. I'm sorry that you did not have a chance to make that happen. I'm sorry that I didn't have a chance to see you two together like that. I knew him well and I loved him just like you."

2011-01-08T04:58:00.003-05:00

She said: "As soon as I say that I can not bear it, I find that I can. As soon as I don't think that I can take another step, I find that I have. There is no cross that can not be lifted and moved. There is always light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dim. No mater how cold the night, the morning will bring warmth. No matter now lonely, there is someone to help share the load. There is always at least one star somewhere in the heavens to act as a guide. I will not despair. I will move on. I will shoulder the load.

2011-01-06T09:11:00.002-05:00

He said: "A cat knows only one thing: that he is a cat and everyone else is not. A cat rules the house, the barn, the meadow, the bush, the road, the space, the bed, the place where he/she is at that moment. There is not question. The humans in a house with a cat are there to feed the cat and to open the door when ever the cat wants a change of scenery either on the outside of the door or on the inside of the door. The cat will amuse itself by watching the other creatures in the house. The cat will allow a human to stroke it's coat; or NOT. A cat can communicate quite well. One knows if one is stroking a cat the way that the cat wants. Cats know all about us and we know so very little about cats. At the end, I am sure, the cats are what will be drawn into heaven. But, then, we have always know that, haven't we?"

2011-01-04T07:08:00.002-05:00

She said: "I wake up and it is dark. I know where I am and I begin to cry. I'm in my bed, in my house, next to my husband, and down the hall from our son. I am crying because I am still here and I am still ill and I know that I will not get better, only worse, little by little. Little by little I am slipping away and I will soon be almost gone. It will take some time, and at the end I will have all the time in the world, but I won't know what to do with it. For the moment, I am still and the house is quiet. The cat wants to be fed and knows that I am awake, but I sit back on my pillow and I feel what it is like to be a part of a family and a part of a circle of friends and I feel better knowing that I still know what to love and what to keep in my heart."

2010-12-24T06:52:00.002-05:00

He said: "At least now I know. Before now, I didn't know. I thought that it was just me and that this was just part of the way I am. I never could spell well and I was never good with names so this new thing didn't mean anything; not really. But, now, everything is different. My family is upstairs asleep and I am down here, crying and cursing God for the joke he has played on me. It's not fair, but then, again, I guess there is a lot in life that isn't fair. I'm not happy about what happened, but there you go. It will get worse over time. I will forget where I am. I will forget where I'm going. I will forget who you are. I will forget what you just said to me. I will forget to eat and I will forget that I have slept. I will forget who you are and that will be the worst part of it all. I will forget that I loved you."

2010-12-22T09:21:00.002-05:00

She said: "I was in the water. I don't remember how I got there. I wasn't pushed, so I must have jumped. The water was cold and black and there was fire all around me. Pieces of water were burning in the dark. I couldn't see much of anything. I couldn't tell if it was day or if it was night. I was cold, so I started to swim even though I didn't know where I was going. If I did nothing, I knew that I would die, so I swam. I swam for what seemed like hours. The fires around me didn't abate so it seemed to me that I wasn't going anywhere. I though of my parents and I though of my children and wondered if they were safe. I began to loose the feeling in my legs which made swimming harder. I was thrashing and calling out, hoping that someone would hear. There came a light, a very bright light and I heard voices. I looked into the light but everything was dark. Everything was dark and quiet and I was alone in the water, surrounded by fire that did not warm me. I don't know how I got there. I also don't know how I got here. For right now, I just want to go home."

2010-12-20T08:31:00.002-05:00

He said: "It's not enough to just say 'I Love You". Anyone can say those words. You have to make those words mean something; you have to make those words come alive to be believable. It's too easy, I think, to just say 'I love you". It's also too easy to say 'I'm leaving you now', or 'Why didn't you think to tell me that earlier?'. It's too easy to just say something that you think is the right thing to say. It's harder to mean something to someone; it's harder to live what you have said and to make and renew that thought every day and to make it real. Do you know what I mean?"

2010-12-17T11:43:00.002-05:00

She said: "There's so much death around us and we don't see it. There's the endless war, of course. I don't know any of those brave men and women. I see the pictures in the paper, but they are only names to me. My God, they are so young; too young to die like that. Then there are the crimes of violence where someone gets a gun and for no reason or for very little reason shoots someone dead. They may or may not know the person they killed. They may or may not really care. They are so unseen or unheard, the people who die like that. Then there are the deaths caused by indifference, like the young people who die of AIDS or other diseases that take them too young just because they wanted love to be a part of themselves and got indifference instead. There are certain deaths that some people can not handle and so willingly ignore. Those, I think, are the saddest of them all; to see them work so hard and so bravely at dying and then, at the end and except for perhaps a small circle of friends or family, face indifference. That's the saddest way to die, I think. To die in the face of indifference.

2010-12-16T12:02:00.002-05:00

He said: "I could not stay in that house of many sorrows. I had to leave. I had to get away from everything there. I would have gone anywhere, but luck sent me to San Francisco which was slowly falling apart. The Hippies had come and the Hippies had then moved on to other places. The leather cowboys were still there, but they then began to die and I was on the road again. I tried New Mexico, but it didn't stick. I moved to Chicago with no money and no sense of getting a job there, so I came here, and I liked it. It was OK. I could live here, so I did and I'm here still. I can't look back, so I don't bother. Some day it will all come together and I will know, for the first time maybe, who I am."

2010-12-15T10:20:00.002-05:00

She said: "Sometimes in the early morning, when the sun is just creeping up over the horizon you can feel the hand of God touching you and directing you to attend what there is to see and to marvel at how perfect it is, all by itself, without help from any of us. The air glows and the breeze is gentle and fragrant and the birds sing and rejoice and I am reminded again at the power of human silence. It's a subtle scent, like a flower opening, like the sound of water over stones."

2010-12-14T09:37:00.002-05:00

He said: "There are people all around me, frozen in time in Black an White in photographs in my home, on my walls. There are Aunts and Uncles and their children on Christmas Day or in the back yard swimming pool. Later, they are grinning from the back seat of someone's convertible in a driveway somewhere. Then there are retirement parties and trips to Florida to escape the cold up North. Then, nothing. Letters of Thanks for coming to the Funeral, maybe. The really old photos, the ones that Grandma and Grandpa had hidden away in dusty drawers, are the ones from the Old Country where the dead have windows in their boxes so that we can see them before the are covered in earth, and remember them. That's why we have all of these photos: so we can remember who we are."

2010-12-11T10:08:00.003-05:00

She said: "Everybody said to just keep moving, so I kept on moving. It was cold and it was dark and I didn't really know where I was and I didn't know how I would find the place I was going to and everything smelt like pee and I was cold and I was hungry and I was lost, but then this guy with a beard and glasses called to me and I knew that I wasn't supposed to talk to anyone there because it wasn't safe there, but I was cold and lost. I think he saw, even in the dark, that I was crying. He came in my direction and I didn't change direction and when he was closer and I could see him I asked him to tell me how to get to where I was going to sleep that night and he told me. I was only 4 or so blocks away and the poet showed me where to go where I would be warm and safe and where I would sleep on a stranger's floor there somewhere on Avenue C in 197o, in New York."

2010-12-09T12:57:00.002-05:00

He said: "It was all a mistake. I said 'yes' but she heard 'no'; I saw freedom, but she saw commitment. I experience joy, but she foresaw pain and failure. How could we have been so far apart and how could I not have known? I suppose it had something to do with wishful thinking. I suppose I should have listened better; I suppose it could have ended differently, but the fact is that it didn't and I wasn't and we couldn't or wouldn't and that was just the way it was. The next time I look into my heart, I will bring a flashlight as well. I can't blame her. I can't blame anyone. Who is there to blame when the sun sets or the breeze blows through the trees? No one, that's who. It was just all a mistake this time."

2010-12-08T09:44:00.002-05:00

She said: "There's nothing like a last goodbye. What's even better is waiting for your ship to come in. And when you mix them both together, you are cooking with gas. I like it when you can hear the other shoe drop. I can never hear the first one for some reason. I'm getting good, or at least better, in looking people in the eye. I find it impossible to look them both in the eye at the same time, but I'm working on it. I've been working on sharpening my skills for several months now and I can see a difference. I'm making Hay while the Sun Shines as they say. It's one day at a time and I can already see that my ship is coming in."

2010-12-07T09:11:00.002-05:00

He said: "It's the season of cold and I hate it. It's the time of year when I'm most in the dark because there is no light except what I turn 'on' and I hate it. I hate the clothes that I have to wear because they are heavy and ugly. I hate the shortness of the day and I hate having meals that were recently hot, but are not when I eat them. I hate the holidays that start the season of cold. They are only there to distract us from the damp and the cold. I hate sweaters and I hate bathrooms that are freezing. But I am a patient man. I can wait, and I do. I wait for the cold and the dark to pass and then I breathe again, knowing that I've won."