He said: "Well, I got the word and it ain't good. It's worse that I thought. I thought that it was just something that would clear up on its own, but it's not that kind. I have to tell you that I wasn't kind to the Doctor. I screamed and cussed him out and when he tried to calm me down, I threw a punch at him. Some other young Docs came in and held me down on the floor while I cursed at them and cursed God, and a cursed a Universe where something like this is possible. Then I cried; bawled like a baby, and when I was finished with that, I was finished. There wasn't anything else to do; there wasn't anything else to say. I felt a calmness like what I think death is like. I was just empty. There wasn't anything left of me. I was gone for a little bit there. I was outside of this life, and in a darkness that both made me afraid and also cooled me, making me aware of being alive again. I'm OK now. I don't like it, but I accept it. The darkness is there all the time now, just waiting. I intend to make it wait a very long time."

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