She said: "At first I didn't know. It took a little time. At first I couldn't see and I didn't know where it came from. At first I just waited a while and it just happened, so I watched it and when I was ready I just stood up and told it my name. At first it was all a little crazy, but it was also fun. I didn't know where it came from; it just came. But now it is not the same. It's not the same anymore. It doesn't happen to me the way it did. It's not the same as it was. Now it's different and difficult and it's cold and sometime it's dark and I wait for it in vane and without an answer. I know what changed, but I can't do anything, really, about it. I can not do what I once did with grace. I can't see what I use to see and I can't call out the name because I don't know it anymore. So I wait in the darkness and I call out in the night and I wait by the river in case it is there for me, and I speak it's name and I hold my breath and I breathe out and I sit down by the water and I look at my reflection and I wait to see if it some day returns and if there is a message and if I can see what it is. But I don't think it's coming back. I think It's not going to be what it was, and I don't know what I think about that. All I know is that every thing changes and that happens to everything."

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