Monday, November 29, 2010

She said: "It's Saturday day again. They say that I won't die on a Saturday, but I think they're wrong. I got this ache on my chest and I have these sores on my legs. I was up coughing all last night and no one, as far as I know, heard any of it. My eye sight is getting to be not so good anymore. I can't see the newspaper type so good now. All of those tiny letters just run together and I can't make any sense out of what I read anyway. The news is all about people that I don't know. The last President I can remember is that Jimmy Carter one. And, what kind of name for a President is "Jimmy"? No one is going to pay any attention to someone called Jimmy. That's a child's name, child! No President should be named with a child's name. I hope that I get some rest for my poor, tired, body tonight. And I wonder if I'll be able to eat anything they bring for supper. That last one was all mush."
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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

He said: "I talk to the trees, but they don't talk back to me. I talk to the stars as well; and to the moon, but only when it is full and therefore is ready to listen. I talk to the stars, too. I guess it's because I have a lot on my mind and talking to the trees is easier that talking to a person who may or may not care what you have to say, and who no doubt has her or her own things to talk to the trees about or to worry about in silence. When I need to talk, I wait, if I can, until it is dark and quiet, although, quiet works by itself. I usually don't expect answers to my prayers, but sometimes they come all by themselves and that's really cool! An answer, no matter what form, means that someone is listening and someone might answer my prayer."
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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

She said: "If I had a choice, I,d pick the City every time. There's always something to see or do in a city. You look around, there are always people around you in a city; there's always someone to talk to, even if they are a creep. I like the city because of the sounds and the smells and the fact that you can be alone, if you want to, or you can be surrounded by people and their smells and the noise. It's up to you to decide. In the Country, it's boring. There's nothing to do in the country. Sometimes there are more stinky animals than people in the country. When you look out your window in the country, you just see dirt and trees. There's nothing there to look at. People are always talking about how great the county is, but it's like nothing. In the Winter in the County it's depressing. There's nothing to do and nothing to see AND it's cold! If you want company and maybe a hot cup of coffee, you have to get into your truck and drive something to get it. No no, no. It's not for me. Give me the city anytime."
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Sunday, November 21, 2010

He said: "New York was always like a poison to me. It brought me to my knees countless times. I always seemed to be hungry in New York in the 1970s. The weather was always cold and damp; the smells around Tompkins Square were always caustic. I remember stepping on a dead person there; I just looked back and kept going. It wasn't that unusual to see or feel or trip on someone who was dead or trying real hard to die. That's just the way it was then. No one had any money. No one had a good place to sleep at night. A lot of people never slept at all as far as I could see. On a plus side, there were always friends who would help you out if you needed it. There was always somewhere to go if you needed to get out of the rain. No on had a last name and everyone seemed like they were ready to help someone out who needed it. We looked out for each other because no one else was. Of course it's different now. Everyone looks out for themselves now and no one looks back. That's progress I suppose. That's what makes the wheels turn. I can't say I miss the old days because I don't. We made it out in spite of everything and have lived to tell about it."
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Thursday, November 18, 2010

She said: "I suppose what stopped it was the razor blade in the end. It stopped the screaming and was a potent message to send to the others on the other side of the locked door. I suppose she said what she could not say any other way. Or, maybe she just said what she had to say. I don't think any of us really knew what, exactly, she needed to say, but the words would not come to her; language failed her; we failed her in that month of constant rain, in the south, at month's end, in America, in 1966, on the way to the airport, away from the constant sorrow and the quietness of an empty house."
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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

He said: "Oh, I know I shouldn't say anything; that anything I say will be used against me, and all that. I know that it's better to just bite my lip and stay out of the conversation; I should just sit there and be polite and not say anything and nod my head and keep a smile on my face and just let them go on. There is no way that anything I say won't be hooted and tooted about and there will be open mouths and some people will just never talk to me again, and it just isn't worth the hassle and the problems that will be the result of my 'lame' ways and the fact that I'm ' living in the dark ages' and 'How can I be so Behind The Times' and so on and so forth. But it's hard. I'm left out of all kinds of conversations because I just don't have anything to say that can be said out load to my friends. They'll send me to some prison island somewhere where it won't matter how 'backward' and 'lame' I am. But the real, honest-to-God truth is, is that I just couldn't care less about APPs. There. I said it. I just don't care about APPs."
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Monday, November 15, 2010

She said: "I used to love talking on the phone. When the phone rang, I raced to answer it because it could have been some friend calling me, and if it was a friend we could happily talk until a parent yelled from downstairs: "Get off the phone. It's late". Now, phones are all about location and very little about anything else. When someone calls me now, they want to know where I am or where I'm going, or where I've been. When I call someone or someone calls me, the call could be about being in a store, or on the way to a store, or being in the subway or in intensive care, or on the way to Mars, or in a coma, or out to lunch. In other words, it could be about anything from anywhere, but probably the call won't be about anything long or much fun. The phone calls I get are about someone wanting to know where I am, when most of the time I'm not anywhere at all."
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Friday, November 12, 2010

He said: "The walls in my house are white. They are white because white is not a color. I don't want to live with color. I've lived all my life up until now having to deal with color. I have been worn down by color and everything that conveys. Red is for anger and blood. Blue is for the sky and what might fall out of it. Green is for the things that grown and prosper on Brown earth. Tears have no color. Thoughts have no color. Prayers are free of color. Prayers do not distract us with colors. Since I was a boy, I was also a color. Having a color has proved to be a burden that I have had to walk around since the idea of color was invented by someone other than me. I have taken color off of my list of things to deal with. I live in a white house, because white has no color."
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Wednesday, November 10, 2010


He said: "It was a crazy time, being young, and not having much of a sense about the world and the people I met up with and took as friends or lovers. I just never stopped long enough to consider the consequences of what I did and who I did it with or to. I was a bottle rocket. I had a lot of energy and I had ideas and desires and the world was changing right in front of me, so I thought I had to keep up with what was evolving and changing and then disappearing on a minute by minute time table. I loved all the crazy stuff and I wanted to be a part of it. Why not? If you me, who? If not now, when? Those were the rules. Get out there, hit hard and fast and then leave before they knew what happened. I did without food. I did without sleep. I did without common sense. I was young. We all were young and eager. We were spinning in space and got giddy because we spun so fast. We were sleeping with spiders. We were dancing with Cats."
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Monday, November 08, 2010

She said: "I won't guess, so you'll have to tell me. I don't have a lot of time for games. It you need to tell me something, just tell me. This should not be some kind of game or something. If you want to talk, fine, let's talk. I'm not going to bite your head off. I'm not some kind of monster. You want to talk, then talk. That's what I'm here for. For right now, that's my job: to listen to you. Just don't make it all complex and drawn out, because I have other things to do right now. Just pull it all together and tell me what is going on in that little head of yours. Just tell me. But make it quick. Tell me: What Do You Want!"
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Thursday, November 04, 2010

He said: "It's hard sometimes. It just feels like such a burden, when I know that it really isn't that way at all. I guess I'm overworked or something. Everyone needs some time alone is what they tell me. That sure sound nice, don't it? I could use some time on my own, I guess, just to chill out and gather the parts of me that are now scattered in about 12 places. Life shouldn't be a stone around your neck. The only stone that we need is the one at the end, when we're gone. I'm hearing phone ring, but I won't answer this time. Everyone needs some time to be alone. That old time movie star said it: 'I want to be alone'. I never saw the movie, but I know how she must feel. I'm going to power down today and take it as it comes. Don't call me 'cause I won't be home."
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Wednesday, November 03, 2010

She said: "It was so nice to meet you. I've been a fan of yours for a really long time. It just goes to show that anything can happen. Gosh, you look just like you did 15 years ago. And, of course, your wife is so lovely. You both look just like you do on stage. I'm rattling on because I'm so nervous. I have butterflies in my stomach. Oh, my gosh, I am trying so hard not to make a fool of myself. Well, thank you. That's very kind of you. I'm hoping that you would be kind enough to autograph this for me. I would really appreciate it. All my friends are crazy about you too. Thank you. Thank you again. It was so nice to meet you."
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Tuesday, November 02, 2010


He said: "It's hard to tell you what it's like. The words just don't seem right to tell you what it's like. I can hardly understand it myself, so you can understand, I hope, how hard it is to tell it to someone who is normal. It's just so weird and maddening and awful that there really aren't words to tell you what I'm trying to say. I struggle with this every day and still, every day, it's a new thing for me to deal with. But, I'm going to try and use words to give you an idea of what's going on. It's not like I would have thought about it from seeing movies or such. It's not as dramatic as that. It's gradual, how it sneaks up behind you and changes your life. It's a quiet thing that happens. There wasn't, at least to begin with, a lot of screaming and crying and stuff like that. It crept up on me one day at a time, getting a little stronger bit by bit. Loosing you mind is not like loosing you wallet. Don't get me wrong: loosing your wallet is a hassle and a bother and a time suck, but, in the end, you get your license and your credit cards and your life back to what it was once. When you loose your mind, it doesn't ever really come back. That's the difference. You can always get your wallet back. I wish I could get my mind back, but I don't thank that will happen. It's too bad, because, right now, I don't need a wallet."
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Monday, November 01, 2010

She said: "I have never been afraid of the dark, or anything like that. I think that if you have both your feet on the ground, well, then you don't have anything to fear. You know? Reality is real! So, when I was growing up with my sisters, I always got the best haul for Holloween, because I just couldn't be scared. If some boy or other tried to scare me, I just walked up to them in the dark and pulled down their mask for everyone to see; so everyone could see who the jerk was. 'Course, that didn't make me real popular among a certain segment of folk, but, hey, I didn't care. Not one bit. It's been the same my whole life. As I got older, I got braver. You know I joined the armed services, right? They mainly kept the woman folk where they wouldn't be all bloodied up for the newpapers, but I was usually right there with the rest of them. I got as close to the front line as I could, 'cause I wasn't afraid to be there. Anyway, it's still the same now. I don't worry too much and I'm not afraid of anything on God's green earth, and from my perspective, not all dark places need light. While some places are dark for a reason, you don't ever have to be afraid, really. You just got to be strong."
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